Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
