he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
