At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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