bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
