Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
