so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
