I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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