How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
