she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
