You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
