At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
