I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I love having hate sex.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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