Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
