Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
