Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You took a bar mat shot.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
