A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
