oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
