I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
40s are totally the cure
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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