i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
