no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
