i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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