Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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