Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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