I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
