is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
