you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
