after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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