Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
