The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
