theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
