I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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