dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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