i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
now i know why i became what i already was.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
