dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
