i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
