Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
