You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
