why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
