That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
