if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
