Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
