Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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