so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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