Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
