Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
