i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
