How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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