After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
