it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Damn victory sex feels great
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
