Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
