Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
