dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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